In the news tonight;
Caitlin Clark is kicking ass in the WNBA.
The NFL season begins in less than two weeks (Thank god the poor guys who play with a pointy ball are having their contracts finalized because they didn’t know how they would ever pay their bills: Like Brandon Aiyuk 120 million. Ja’Marr Chase, 140 million. Jordan Love, 220 million.)
Tom Brady begins announcing for Fox News this season. He has agreed to a 375 million dollar contract.
T.J. Balistrieri, Ed.D. … 40 years experience as a therapist, Dean of Students, Director of Counseling at four universities and a professor of psychology at the graduate and undergraduate level applied for an adjunct teaching position today at a local university here in the Boston area paying $3800.oo per 14 week class.
Half of the USA Navy is near the Bosphorus Straits to protect Israel …. not to threaten Russia, we promise.
The Ukrainian Army is just massacring the inept Russian Army and the NATO Incursion into Russia is not really like the United States or Europe are attacking. The attackers are proxies which rhymes with moxie. Moxie Elixir, Distinctly Different. (Our only regret is that we didn’t win the Wehrmacht contract.)
The Stock Market is moving up and down a lot.
And there were only two casualties that had to be transported to the hospital in the Palestinian conclave.
Stay tuned for. The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Bitches of Boston, The Dicks of Denver, Shiny Thing Shiny Thing.
We will back right after a word from our sponsors:
COCA COLA and our subsidiary “FANTA CLASSIC, Quenching the thirst of Zionist Nazi’s and the Wehrmacht since 1933! (Cue pretty white girl. Cue pretty white girl they have already forgotten the 2 brown causalities in Gaza.)
And CTE. We fight for your right to watch young men destroy themselves, one another and YOU. Like the gladiators of Rome, death deferred.
C T E … we support your right to enjoy vicarious violence. (We want to make a flag too minus the queer rainbow thing. Like have a bloody brain on it or something.)
FANTASTIC NEWS ... ONLY TWO!!